Figure out who you are, and what you want.
Too often I hear the same sad, disappointing story of “I just don’t think I was ready for that sort of commitment”.
After a while that sonnet gets repetitive, and the people you expect to hold you up while you “figure your shit out” will move forward very very quickly.
Too often I hear someone seeking out advice from me on a “fruitful relationship” — only to be regurgitated weeks later the same narrative of uncertainty; of all the reasons “why” it didn’t work out.
This is what you’re doing wrong — You keep pursing things you don’t think you’re sure of, bringing down and hurting people that do not deserve it.
A marriage born out of the necessity that two lovers were too afraid if they didn’t tie the knot soon enough, the relationship would crumble.
A person willing to say “I want you”, only to run away from it when they get exactly what they asked for.
The problem is you can’t come to terms with your insecurities and keep opening your door with a false narrative that “this time it will be different”.
It won’t. Because you’re failing to recognise your own “wants” and “needs”.
You’re searching for affirmation in a sea of uncertainty to fulfil your failure to recognise your inner-strength and vulnerabilities.
Write down who you are, honestly.
Write down what you want — be brutal.
Don’t chase tails in hopes that it can change you, because change can only come from self-recognition and within yourself.
After a certain age, people don’t have the patience of waiting on you while the clock runs out and you can’t get it together.
You keep telling yourself,
But you’re not willing to put the work-ethic required to pursue it.
You want the short-cut, you want others to do the heavy lifting.
You meet someone, they seem lovely, you’re filled with euphoria, and you mistake infatuation for certainty.
Your fling lasts a few months, honeymoon periods over — and now you blame the partner for your failure to “commit”.
You’ll run away, blaming and finding every possible reason for “why” that particular person just wasn’t right for you.
Guess what? Nobody ever will be, with that attitude.
I know what I am, and I know what I want in life.
I know I can’t pull someone into a world where I don’t have time for a relationship, and I know I wouldn’t put someone through a world of false hope that this fling will turn into something much greater.
I’m not willing to take that chance, because I know full-well I’m not made for it.
I’m not ready for it, and I’m not going to waste some one else’s time whilst I’ve known all along that I can’t change.
Because I’m not going to change.
Because I know all too well short-term pain is better than a long-term one.
Because I know that in my pursuit of what I want, my life choices require me to make certain compromises.
Because when I’m ready, I won’t have to think twice about “if this is the right thing to do”, because when I’m fully content with what I want and what I need — I wouldn’t need to.
Until that day comes, stop leading people on — the environment that you encompass does not deserve your false sense of certainty.
Figure out who you are, and what you want.
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