Engage This Underrated Emotion to Enhance Your Relationships
A surprise birthday pizza party freshman year of college, an extravagantly generous gift, an unanticipated compliment from a stranger…when I look back on the best and most memorable moments of my life, they all contain a common theme: they all embrace the element of surprise.
Surprise is an undervalued, often forgotten emotion, that brings to mind over-the-top milestone birthday parties and masked figures jumping out at you from behind a bush.
Surprise is so much more than that, though. Whether we’re crafting the unexpected for others, or simply allowing space for it in our own lives, embracing surprise enhances our lives, creates memories and strengthens relationships.
Intentionally engaging the art of surprise is an all-around win, for yourself and others. It can turn a forgettable interaction into a memorable one, an ordinary day into a delightful one, and a humdrum existence into so very much more.
I first began thinking more about this topic when I read the book, Surprise, by Tania Luna. In it, the author, a Surprisologist, poses a question: “do you prefer the unexpected, or would you rather things go according to plan.”
Unsurprisingly, the majority of people chose the latter. Contrary to what you might expect, however, the research claims these truths: surprise is a key ingredient for productivity, happiness, and enhanced relationships. Our most treasured moments in life, often are a direct result of the unexpected.
According to Tania Luna, research shows that surprise intensifies our emotions by 400%, hence the reason why we enthusiastically welcome pleasant surprises, but abhor negative ones. It makes sense, then, to intentionally craft surprise to help enhance and strengthen our relationship and our lives.
So how do we do this? How do we manufacture surprise for others, while allowing room for it in our own lives, as well?
Engineering surprise for others (as well as ourselves) doesn’t take much. It isn’t always the grand gestures and extravagant gifts that make the best memories.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you explore and implement the art of surprise in your own life.
As simple as it sounds, just maintaining an awareness of your intent to add pleasant surprises to others’ lives is the first, and most important, step.
Keeping an eye out for the right moment to initiate a surprise, and then executing the surprise, isn’t as hard as it sounds. We’re presented with dozens of opportunities a day to do this.
Some of the surprises I’ve engineered in the last few months include: mailing unexpected notes and cards to friends, sending a more-generous-than-usual birthday gift to an out-of-town family member, dropping treats off at a friend’s house, and giving an unusual compliment to an acquaintance.
None of these were hard, and only the birthday gift cost more than a few dollars. When you’re on the lookout for ways to surprise and delight others, opportunities will begin to manifest themselves.
Surprise isn’t just something you engineer for others. Opening yourself up to surprises is a great way to proactively increase your happiness and life satisfaction.
So how do we do this? One technique is to simply step outside your comfort zone. Engage in activities that are unfamiliar, such as attending a poetry reading, asking an acquaintance to share a cup of coffee after work, or attending a new fitness class.
Shaking up your routine, even if it’s as simple as working at a neighborhood cafe instead of your home office for a day, can open the door to new, and surprising, experiences.
If it’s hard for you to step out of your comfort zone, consider this technique: pair something you love and that gives you joy, with risk-taking, to begin to correlate those risks with something positive.
For example, if you’re hesitant to attend networking events or mixers, pair those events with a new pair of shoes (or even a pair you love and rarely wear).
If talking to strangers is difficult for you, promise yourself an extra half an hour of reading in the evening each time you take that particular risk.
Pairing is, by the way, an excellent strategy for creating new habits. Want to begin a daily writing habit? Pair each writing session with a special tea blend, or extra rich piece of chocolate, and only allow yourself those treats during that time. Your brain will begin to correlate your new habit with a pleasurable experience.
Surprise is an often-forgotten, but extremely powerful emotion. Engineering a dose of surprise for ourselves and others can increase our happiness and life satisfaction. Some of my most treasured moments in life (and, I imagine, yours, too), are often the result of surprise.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please leave a comment so we can continue the conversation.
Engage This Underrated Emotion to Enhance Your Relationships
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