I Made a Vision Board and Saw I was Depressed

How aspirational crafting forced me to confront my sadness

Like millions of other Oprah fans, I got caught up in the momentum of The Secret and its infamous law of attraction. It seemed simple enough: the thoughts I put out to the universe would manifest in real life.

The key to the law of attraction was to have a consistent visualization practice that would support positive thoughts and eventually provide me with the life of my dreams. This visualization came in the form of a vision board.

As an artsy person, I was immediately drawn to the idea of breaking out my scissors and glue to make the vision board. I went through a collection of Vogue and Glamor magazines and curated a small collection of glossy images and words that represented what I wanted for my life.

In hindsight, these magazine probably weren’t the best choice in terms of finding realistic images for an attainable vision board.

The layout for the vision board was of particular importance, each corner of the white poster board was to illustrate an aspect of my life: physical health, relationships, education and career, and family.

I spent a weekend perfecting the placement of the images, convinced that my positive thoughts would eventually yield the life I deserved. I taped the poster board to my wall, and sat back to take in the positivity and send my good vibes out to the universe.

The reality was I didn’t feel like I deserved it. Any of it.

The longer I looked at the vision board, the worse I felt. I filled the physical health section with stunning models with physiques that were unattainable for my body shape. The relationship section was filled with Cartier advertisements and cliché images of brides and grooms. The education and career section was disjointed with random images of university student in their caps and gown and women in business suits. The family section was filled with stock images of perfect families in embrace.

The sadness I felt was overwhelming. Rather than being aspirational, my vision board turned into a manifestation of all the things I once had that were now missing.

It was a mourning board.

I was unfulfilled in university, the relationship with my parents was strained, my partner was living in another part of the country, my body was exhausted and I was fuelling it with junk.

I had to come to realization that this was more than sadness and that I was experiencing depression. Everyday I felt like I was drowning, there was no land in sight, and I was desperate for a life preserver. My vision board went from something that was supposed to aspirational to a wake up call.

I immediately took the vision board down, called my sister and told her how I was feeling. Her love and support was essential as I worked through each area of my life.

While vision boards are supposed to be a positive exercise in manifestation, I found myself being forced to confront all of the emotions and inadequacies I was harbouring. Each quadrant of my vision board became an area that I needed to unpack so I could apply specificity and realism when I created my goals.

Though I’ve since abandoned the values from The Secret, I still find value in creating a vision board and continue to create one every couple of years. Not only does it help me set my trajectory to achieving future goals, it also serves as an exploratory exercise in understanding who I am in the present.

I Made a Vision Board and Saw I was Depressed

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