Astounding Revelation — I’m Sober Curious!
I remember having my first official drink as a legal adult on my 18th birthday. Although I’d had a few beers when hanging out with an older brother, this was the first time I could go out with my friends and legally drink alcohol. We went to an independent movie house which had couches and other living room furniture instead of movie seats, and saw,”A Clockwork Orange.” While I love that movie it wasn’t then nor is it now an easy one to watch, so the two beers I had definitely came in handy.
I always could hold my liquor, especially for a girl, something I knew better than to brag about. And I had my share of college fun, primarily with a boyfriend who had an even higher tolerance than I did. We went out to happy hour at various local hangouts, our favorite, an Aussie bar call Digger’s Down Under, though we also frequented other ethnic varieties, our other favorite a neighborhood Irish Pub.
There was less drinking in graduate school by necessity, but we did often go out on Thursday since there were no classes on Friday, and we also has a Friday happy hour tradition to celebrate the end of the week and let off some steam. Saturday night was also generally a drinking affair after a quieter but no less busy work day.
After grad school, I drank less regularly and usually no more than a couple of glasses of wine, my beer habit largely left behind in graduate school for what seemed a more mature option. Chianti was my drink of choice, always having been a red wine fan, but Merlot or a mix of grapes followed close behind.
But then around ten years ago something happened. I found that even the best wine I could buy no longer brought me pleasure or the sense of relaxation it usually did. Even lower alcohol varieties made me tired and I wasn’t able to shake off the effects in a couple of hours as I once had. I also found myself kept awake, sometimes all night whenever I had even a single glass of wine. The next morning I felt sluggish and slightly hung over which lasted all day.
I don’t know when I just stopped drinking all together, but it happened. I will have a glass of wine if it’s a special occasion or when out with family but I can count the number of times this has happened in the past five years on one hand and don’t need all five fingers to do it.
It never crossed my mind that this was anything other than getting older, though I hate to admit it. I’ve always heard that when you reach “a certain age” you don’t process alcohol as well and the effects are more negative than positive. I just figured I’d reached that age, and was fine without the expense or added calories.
Then I came across the phrase, sober curious in an article and was excited to learn that I’m a card carrying member of this movement! I can’t say I’ve ever been part of a movement before and I’m even getting in on the ground floor of this one! No one can say I’m not trendy, nor can they claim I’m doing it just to follow the masses since the masses don’t know about it yet.
You can think of sober curiosity as a “wellness” approach to (not) drinking alcohol. It isn’t about a sudden or necessarily complete stop to drinking. There’s no adapted 12 step program or need for treatment to introduce you to a new lifestyle. And it’s not a means of recovery for alcoholics. It’s simply about recognizing drinking habits and their effects, then acting on that knowledge.
Identifying as sober curious means you’re aware that alcohol doesn’t make you feel great and while you don’t drink it often and possibly not at all, you’re not willing to put an all-or-nothing label on yourself. It might mean abstaining completely or just drinking during the weekend.
Alcohol still is perceived to play an important role in our social, political, and economic life. This is particularly the case for young urban professionals. For this group, happy hour and socializing over drinks can be thought of as a necessary form of social currency like it was for them in college. Yet this group also is more health conscious than previous generations were. The effects of this can be seen in the number of brands now offering nonalcoholic products.
Image-conscious young professionals want nonalcoholic beverages they can drink at happy hour and work related gatherings without standing out for drinking something like a plain seltzer or Shirley Temple type drink. Alcohol companies are responding to this desire. For example Heineken decided to keep its traditional green bottle and label, making the 0 proof designation non obtrusive.
Sober curiosity is an interesting reversal of the traditional way of thinking about habits, at least for me. Usually, habits that may be considered maladaptive are seen as things we want to get rid of entirely. Being sober curious though is giving up a habit for the most part but not admitting to yourself that is what you’ve done.
I think this reflects the tendency for our culture to still sees alcohol as something that is associated with being attractive, sexy, successful along and is often related to pleasure, happiness, enjoying life and social expressiveness. For me personally, I think it’s more a hesitation to let go of my younger self and accept that she’s not coming back again.
Not taking the leap to admitting to myself that I don’t drink anymore goes hand in hand with the ability to to tell myself that I can have a drink any time I want. This helps me save face with myself, by dodging one more thing that makes me feel as if I’m not the once young thing I see in mind when I imagine myself. I do this quite a bit actually. The thought of having to say, “Never again,” about anything makes me feel as if I have one foot in the grave. I don’t think anyone would argue that this is something best avoided.
As for as the high end “mocktails” however, while there may be a growing desire expressed by many sober curious individuals for nonalcoholic versions of their favorite drinks, I won’t be jumping on this bandwagon. Just as I firmly believe that coffee should have caffeine, there being no other real point to it, I believe beer and wine should have alcohol in them. There is just something wrong with the concept of nonalcoholic beer and most definitely with non alcoholic wine. Neither are really tasty enough in my book to warrant drinking without the benefits that alcohol brings to the table. And the fake versions certainly don’t warrant the calories. I’d rather save them for dessert. So for now at least, I’m perfectly happy pairing a diet coke with my filet mignon. With caffeine of course.
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Astounding Revelation — I’m Sober Curious!
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