How the Show “Queer Eye” Can Inspire Us All
Okay, so I know that I’m a bit more obsessed than the average person when it comes to watching reality TV. I think it’s because I enjoy the human aspect that comes with seeing people experience emotions whether as part of a competition, finding help from experts, or just documenting how their everyday lives play out. There is just something about the cheesy storylines, the producer-induced drama, and the candid confessional interviews that reel me into the lives of these “ordinary” people. I find life inspiration by watching their stories unfold.
I’ve loved these types of shows ever since I was young, so I was one of the original fans when the reality show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy first came out back in 2003. The premise of the show was simple: five gay men take over a straight man’s life and make him over into an even more fabulous straight man.
Back then, I loved this show because I was — unknowingly at the time — a closeted gay man who enjoyed seeing others I could relate to on TV. While I appreciated the show for how it helped straight men to become more fabulous versions of themselves, I didn’t realize the true effect the show was having on me at the time.
Fast forward many years and now I’m watching Netflix’s rendition of Queer Eye (no longer only for the straight guy) — currently in its third season. After the most recent episode, I’m starting to see the beauty behind what the show accomplishes. The intent behind the show is not how fabulous these five gay men are (especially the amazing Jonathan Van Ness) or about spreading gay culture on television. Rather, the show offers a much larger theme of valuing all people and giving them the confidence to feel good about themselves. Even more importantly, it shatters traditional stereotypes and re-imagines a world in which people see each other as individuals instead of judging them based on their outer appearance.
I thought about this during the latest episode. The “Fab Five”, as they are collectively known, offered their makeover services to a woman who lives out in a rural Missouri town. She is a loving wife and mom of three children whose day job is as a guard at an all-male prison and who also farms her own produce and hunts her own food. She grew up with only male siblings and was always labeled a tomboy as a child. As an adult, she’s continued that theme with her camouflage coveralls and cowgirl boots, but deep down, she still wants to look nice for her husband and go out for special events. She just doesn’t know how.
That’s where the gays come to the rescue. Their job isn’t to change the person in focus, but rather to bring out and enhance the natural beauty hidden away inside of them. Hiding away natural beauty is something we all do, because either we’re scared that others might not think it’s beautiful or because we just don’t know how to best express that side of ourselves. I know this, because I did the same thing before I discovered this show. And this latest episode resonated with me in a profound way, because I found myself connecting to this woman’s story.
I too come from a small town in Missouri and grew up in a household with two older brothers. One of my brothers sported camouflage and liked to hunt. His friends consisted of the so-called “country” kids at school, even though my family grew up on a half-acre lot in the more suburban part of the school district. Still, from a young age I felt as though I had two conflicting parts to my identity — the one that was always there on the outside trying to fit in the “boys” and the one I secretly wanted to be on the inside. That side of me I was too afraid to show, for fear that people would judge or reject me.
The irony of this story is that when I first started watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy I enjoyed the show, but at the same time actively tried to distance myself from the “Fab Five” personas. These five gay men all had distinct personalities, but yet they collectively embodied the mannerisms and characteristics that society labeled as “gay”. For this reason, I tried to distance myself from the gay stereotype and reject any possible commonality to these men.
For the longest time I was scared of being judged based on society’s image of gay people. I told myself I wasn’t one of those men, so I must not be gay. I thought that I didn’t fit in with them, because I didn’t have the same interests or flamboyant mannerisms as they did. So there I was, judging all five of these men — gay men whom I should have admired —for the exact reason that society judged them and eventually me. In reality, these men were just being themselves. Yes, being gay was something they had in common, but that wasn’t the point of the show.
The Netflix reboot offers an even more profound message with each episode. The show actively exposes all of the differences between the Fab Five and their makeover candidates in order to highlight the fact that all of us, even the viewers watching the show, have something in common — we are all human beings. People are people, each of us with our own unique set of looks, interests, talents, and abilities. Society tries to ascribe us all certain characteristics and behaviors based on outward appearances and backgrounds, when in reality no two people are the same and stereotypes are nothing but vague generalizations that blind us from getting to what really matters about a person. I was simply too young and naïve to understand this fact before I came out of the closet.
In their latest makeover, the Fab Five demolished society’s stereotype of gender expression. Everyone had labeled this woman as a tomboy, because she had more “masculine” tendencies. Yet she wanted to dress up and feel like a “woman” for herself and for her husband. What everyone should learn to understand about life, however, is that gender is simply a social construct. In reality, we shouldn’t have to label ourselves as “masculine” or “feminine”, but instead can express ourselves however we want.
Just like the woman in the episode, this stereotype was my biggest struggle when I was growing up and trying to resolve the conflict within my own identity. I thought I had to be a “boy” so I must therefore suppress my “feminine” qualities. It turns out though, that I love to cook and sing and dance and I absolutely hate to get dirty and to hunt and to play football. But none of these facts changes who I am deep down.
I’m just me.
And that’s exactly what the woman realizes during the episode as she interacts with each of the five gay hosts. Gender identity — like most human qualities — is not binary, but rather a spectrum along which only we have the freedom to define ourselves.
There are so many beautiful reveal moments throughout the episode as the gays perfectly fuse together this woman’s interests with her dream makeover. I got goosebumps watching them transform her hair and makeup, her house and décor, her wardrobe, her tenth anniversary wedding date with her husband, and her overall level of confidence by syncing together the outward appearance with her internal vision for herself. It’s a joyful and tear-filled moment at the end to see her face light up from the incredible transformation.
And this is the reason I’m writing about this show: because I think everyone deserves a moment like this. It’s taken me almost a decade after coming out of the closet to slowly but surely embrace the many parts of my identity that I hid away, because I didn’t know how to match them up with society’s expectations. After traveling the world and coming into contact with more people outside of my tiny Missouri bubble, I finally grasped the meaning behind this show and fully appreciate what the original Fab Five did in exposing themselves to the world back then and risking viewers’ disapproval.
Sadly, the world still holds on to many stereotypes and prejudices, but little by little I see progress being made. As I look out at the faces of the students I teach, I am so proud to see how many embrace their inner beauty and individuality every day. I delight seeing some stand up for themselves and not be dissuaded by the popular majority of their peers to change who they are. And in them, there is a message of hope.
But I also see students, and adults, who are struggling with their identity and who hide in fear of being rejected by someone. And this is why I draw inspiration from watching Queer Eye, because I feel empowered by the stories they share to share my own story. It’s a reminder for us all to reveal our deepest insecurities, so that no one should ever feel alone in dealing with these inner conflicts.
So let no one dictate who you are or how you want to live your life. Because, after all, we’re all just born this way.
How the Show “Queer Eye” Can Inspire Us All
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