Why I Want to Fail More

I read Mari Andrew’s book Am I There Yet? The Loop-De-Loop Zigzagging Journey to Adulthood a few months ago. As a fan of her illustrations, the buy was a no brainer. While I fully expected to read up on her adventures and insightful advice, I was completely taken back by the fear the book left me with.

Through fond reflections, Mari details her life in New York City, her trip to Barcelona, her past romances, her collection of random jobs, and so much more. Steadfast in her nuanced observations, she also touches on the idea of using failure as a tool for growth. Her book is also filled with many illustrations. Some of them are funny, others charming, and some really make you stop and think.

I sometimes take notes when I read. This is what I wrote after viewing this illustration: “She lists off disappointments when I can only think of a couple. What does that say about me? If she didn’t open herself up to disappointment would she have written a book? become an illustrator?”

All at once, it hit me that all of my failures at this point in my life have been shallow and inconsequential. I’ve never been torn apart by failure or reduced to shambles over a mistake. And while I am not trying to minimize the hardships associated with failure — as if it’s experienced as a quick montage out of an angsty indie movie — I do think it’s critical for real growth.

I have faced some small scale rejections and evolved beyond them into a better-realized version of myself. So, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I were to take even bigger risks? I don’t know the answer to that question, but here’s what I do know: I am very familiar with is regret. Regret at the hands of inaction.

Two things happen when we don’t act out of fear of failure.

To throw oneself into a new opportunity is always a gamble, but it does seem like the better option as opposed to sitting around waiting for a safe and secure way to experience something new or achieve our goals— assuming that safe opportunity ever comes.

When I really sit down and think about it, I’d much rather be broke, single, and uncertain, than settle for that dude because he was around, take that boring job because it’s secure, and bottle up ambition in return for a safety net.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know what’s ahead or refusing to act out of caution. Sometimes that caution is necessary to keep ourselves safe or from making a crucial error, but there’s a big difference between taking a calculated risk and acting out of fear. I, for one, choose the former.

“The great gift of heartbreak, rejection, loss — of any challenge — is that it’s the impetus to stop hoping you’ll be happy someday and start making yourself happy now.” — Mari Andrew