How to Work with Someone Who Thinks They’re Always Right
Many people suffer from “chronic certainty” on issues for which no perfect answer exists. There are three ways leaders can help themselves, and others, broaden their perspectives and have more productive conversations. First, resist the temptation to escalate dueling arguments until someone prevails. Instead, slow things down to surface what’s really going on. Next, consider whether your organizational culture is part of the problem. Does the culture prize assertive convictions? Is decision making competitive? Finally, make it a routine to have others on the team weigh in with differing views when making decisions. The more you practice listening, the more you will begin to feel safe enough to loosen your grip on strongly held convictions.
We recently watched a heated debate between our client and two of his direct reports. Our client, a leader responsible for a $350M division, and one of the direct reports, the head of marketing, were ready to extend an offer to a candidate for a new position: VP of analytics. But the head of HR was adamant that they had the wrong candidate. Her reasoning, expressed with unyielding conviction, was that the candidate didn’t meet the “adaptability” dimension of the hiring profile, which for her, was a deal-breaker. The leader and the head of marketing felt like while this candidate was admittedly imperfect, she was the best they’d seen of the nearly 40 they’d interviewed, and they were willing to live with her shortfalls. After rounds of discussion, the HR lead played the ultimate trump card and said, “Look, you either want my expertise or you don’t. You made me your head of HR, and if you’re not going to take my advice, then why did you give me this job?”
In a private conversation, our client expressed his frustration. “She plays that card the minute she fears not getting her way. She’s smart and I value her advice, but she has to be right on every decision. As her boss, now I feel like I’m in a no-win situation. If I don’t take her advice, she feels marginalized. If I do take her advice, I reinforce behavior I don’t want used by my team in order to sway decisions their way.”
His predicament isn’t unusual. Many people suffer from “chronic certainty” on issues for which no perfect answer exists. Here are three ways we’ve seen leaders get underneath chronic certainty to help themselves and others broaden their perspective — and have more productive conversations.
Get behind the origins of chronic certainty. Cognitive biases come in many forms, and often underlie dogmatic viewpoints. In our client’s situation, the newly appointed HR leader had an overconfidence bias because in her previous job she had a track record of great hiring decisions. Her confidence was coming, not from a place of defensiveness or posturing, but from her desire to repeat past success. When you or someone you manage experiences chronic certainty, it’s important to figure out which biases may be in play. Staunch certainty is always rooted in deeply held, but often unconscious, beliefs.
Resist the temptation to escalate dueling arguments until someone prevails. Slow things down to surface what’s really going on. No matter how outlandish their views seem, approach the conversation as if there is some legitimacy to them. If their certainty represents a pattern, don’t try and address it during an argument about a specific issue. Instead, schedule a separate conversation to address your concern. You might say something like, “Whenever we find ourselves on different sides of an issue, I feel as though you assert your views with such unbending force that I either want to shut down or dismiss your confidence. It would help me to know that my views were being considered, even if you don’t agree with me.”
Consider how your organization might encourage certainty. Chronic certainty is not just an individual issue. Psychologists often use the PIE theory (Person In Environment) to understand individual social struggles in the context of the environments shaping them. Does your culture prize assertive convictions? Is decision making perceived to be competitive? Do people feel as though appearing uncertain about their views will be perceived as weak? In certain situations, like conversations around strategic planning, budgeting, and talent management, where people perceive a lot to be at risk, the need to appear certain becomes a matter of survival. Research on competitive workplaces shows that when people feel anxious about competitive processes, they are more likely to behave unethically — including embellish arguments to get their way.
To avoid institutionalizing certainty as the preferred approach to articulating views or requests, ask people to come to meetings with pros and cons on issues. And make it a routine to have others on the team weigh in with differing views when making decisions. Approaches like these normalize the need for people to self-regulate, balancing confidence in one’s views without the dogma of certainty.
Acknowledge if others’ certainty makes you resistant. For some, the convictions of others can feel threatening to our own views and values. Confirmation bias leads us to screen out disconfirming views, so when we are forced to contend with differences, we naturally resist. We can become overly defensive, or withdrawn, dismissing information that might be very important. We observed one client, let’s call him Mike, making a presentation to his boss and peers intended to confirm his significant budget increase. One of his colleagues, someone with whom he had a contentious relationship, raised legitimate criticisms about the size of the increase given a recent product quality issue. Because Mike was pre-disposed to believe anything this colleague said was ill motivated, he shut down the conversation. But his overly defensive response backfired, and led to their boss delaying the budget approval for “further consideration.” Had Mike engaged his colleague’s concerns, he may well have negotiated an approval with contingencies in it that would have allowed him to proceed.
With so much emphasis these days on speaking up, we need to learn to temper our voices by listening, especially when making important decisions for which there are conflicting options. Remember that speaking “your” truth is far different than speaking “the” truth. Some fear that listening affirms the other’s point of view. Rather, it is in listening that others begin to feel safe enough to loosen their grip on strongly held convictions. Never shame, become dismissive, or escalate with counter-dogma. It is through listening that you will establish needed trust and safety to productively examine differing views.
There may be no way to fully reconcile contradictory points of view. And it could be that those who are chronically certain will dismiss your views as irrational and your behavior as defensive — this is the burden of leadership. However, if we can slow down our own reactions and consider the reasons for our own, and others’ chronic certainty, we can eradicate its negative impact and find the common ground hidden within all differences.
Ron Carucci is co-founder and managing partner at Navalent, working with CEOs and executives pursuing transformational change for their organizations, leaders, and industries. He is the best-selling author of eight books, including the recent Amazon #1 Rising to Power. Connect with him on Twitter at @RonCarucci; download his free e-book on Leading Transformation.
Jarrod Shappell is a partner at Navalent who specializes in helping leaders effectively manage themselves by cultivate deeper leadership and relationship skills. He has over 15 years of experience coaching leaders in start-up, non-profit, and Fortune 500 organizations.
How to Work with Someone Who Thinks They’re Always Right
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