4 weeks ago, tell me it gets easier

My mum passed away 4 weeks ago tonight, I miss her so much. I need to be strong for everyone, as I am the oldest of 4, but inside I’m dying. My dad is 64 and has dementia and it was down to me to tell him my mum had died, he was unable to be by her bedside as she died, ( after less than a day in hospital, it was soo sudden) thankfully I held her hand as she passed, but I’m devasted my dad never got the chance to say goodbye,

when he heard the news, he grieved for 15 minutes then forgot, so to save him breaking and grieving for the first time over and over again, I decided that instead of constantly telling him, we would say she’s out shopping or at an appointment.. it’s breaking me inside, every time he asks where she is, myself and my sister are caring for him and visiting him 5/6 times every day,, he shouts for her constantly and looks for her at bedtime to kiss her goodnight ..

I’ve had to take the decision to not have him at the funeral as he is soo frail, as I know I would be burying soon after, he would not cope hearing such devastating news over and over again, they we’re together 42 years,

I’ve even had to collect my mums ashes and sneak them back into their house as she wanted to always be with my dad,, I’m trying soo hard to be strong, but I’m struggling soo much,

I just need to know this pain gets easier

34 posts since

28 Nov 2018

Hi I’m sorry for your loss I lost my mum 3 years ago this month to lung cancer that spread to her brain.The first year was extremely hard it does get easier you never forget.I still have days now where it hits me take care of yourself and in my opinion you are doing the right thing with your dad

31 posts since

7 Apr 2021

Hi @LisMc ‍

I’m sorry to hear about the terrible time you are going through and the suddenness of what happened to your mum. My mum died in march 5 weeks after diagnosis so I know how you are feeling.

It does get better, I cried every day for three months and then then once or twice a week and now I have moments of intense sadness.

You said you need to be strong for others but at the same time you have to let things out and just let your emotions go. I went through bereavement counseling which really really helped with the grieving process so maybe something to consider.

Take care and sending you hugs

9 posts since

9 Aug 2021

I am so sorry about your mum:lost my husband of lung cancer 8month ago just try to stay strong lots of hugs

9 posts since

9 Aug 2021

My heart goes out to you lots of hugs

4 weeks ago, tell me it gets easier

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