Very lonely
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179 posts since
9 Dec 2019
I’m Everyone,
I could do with some words of advice,
I’m starting Radiotherapy to my Brain as a precaution the end of this month,as I have lung cancer
And they want to make sure it doesn’t travel to my brain,
I don’t know how many sessions nil be having as have to meet specialist on the 26th,
I’m so scared,my Anxiety is up in the roof,as I live alone I’ve too much time to think,plus I can not concentrate
On anything,TV or reading,Anything,my mind won’t let me rest,I’ve had 4 sessions of 2 very strong chemo’s which shrunk the tumor on my lung down 50%,,I’m just so so frightened and lonely,any advise or help please,xx
24 posts since
8 Nov 2019
Hi Lily,
Welcome to the Cancer Chat community and I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis and the anxiety you are going through.
Hopefully talking to our members who have been in similar positions will help to ease your anxiety and you can also have a chat with one of our cancer nurses for some words of advice. You can give them a call on 0808 800 4040. The phone lines are Monday – Friday between 9a.m – 5p.m.
Kind Regards
Matt Cancer Chat Moderator
39 posts since
4 Nov 2019
Cancer is so cruel and you have been through so much, I wish I could give you a big hug.
Since my diagnosis I have found that keeping busy and being around people really helps keep me distracted and picks me up when I am feeling down. I have continued to work full time and going to the office reminds me that I am not the only person having a hard time at the moment. At the weekends or the days I work from home I make sure I get out of the house for some fresh air and human contact. Usually I just walk through the park and stroke a couple of dogs or go to my local Costa for a coffee. It is surprising how chatting to a complete stranger about something unimportant like the weather makes you feel normal again.
At night or when the 3am blues hit, I either put on some cheesy 80s music and dance around the house or I just stroke my kitties, listen to them purr and feel thankful that my pain has gone and they can sit on me again.
It’s so easy for cancer to take over our lives and I think sometimes we need to remind ourselves of who we were before the cancer struck then ask ourselves how we can get back to (or as close to) being that person again.
There are many people on this forum who understand how you are feeling so don’t feel alone with all this and you are more than welcome to private message me if you ever need a chat.
Take care and I hope all goes well with the radiotherapy
Georgina
179 posts since
9 Dec 2019
Thank you Georgina,
I’m just finding it getting worse with time,I’m seeing a counselor and I’ve told him,I feel paralyzed with total fear, I can not leave the house without a massive panic attack,and I know no one can fix this only me,I just don’t know how,the thoughts of radiotherapy has me terrified,but what can I do only go through it,thanks for replying to this,
Angie!
179 posts since
9 Dec 2019
Thanks Matt.
Ange!
133 posts since
3 Jan 2020
Hello Lily
your post touched my heart. I obviously don’t know how it feels to be you, but I know how cancer has knocked me for six. It puts most of us in a frightening and lonely place. I know my confidence and the joy I used to take from the little things have both taken a severe knock.
Like others have already said I think, I too find it helpful to be out with people and try and communicate on the simplest of levels. It’s also helpful to talk to a person about the loneliness of this awful disease. To speak of our fears. Somehow to voice them makes it easier to live with.
The nights are the hardest time (for me). I am often on here checking out what other people are doing. How they manage this utterly awful time. People are generally kind/helpful. Reach out when and where you can. Honestly I feel it’s worth the risk.
I send you the warmest wishes. Take heart. I am starting my second week of radiotherapy tomorrow. I have breast cancer which is likely easier to manage than your situation. However just to say everyone is very kind/supportive within the treatment process. I don’t feel hurried or feeble when I show I am nervous. I have always been met with understanding as you will be.
Go well Feel free to private message me anytime.
Kebbs x
103 posts since
28 Nov 2019
Hi Angie,
How are you doing today? I am thinking of you. Right now I am wishing with all my heart that you are feeling alright and coping.
This might not be helpful to you, but for the last few days I have been thinking about how every day, everything around us, is full of tiny nice things that we never appreciate when we are well, but those in our situation know that time is likely to be short, so we appreciate them more. I suppose it’s the same thing as Georgina being happy that her cats can sit on her again! This mindset is helping me at the moment ( I am using it to try not to fear my scan on March 4th when we’ll see if I have disease progression or not )
This no doubt sounds like a well worn philosophy for people with incurable disease, but I’m doing what I can to help you. Tell me to shut up by all means!!
Do you think the counselling is helping? It’s good that you are seeing someone and can just let out your fears.
Anyway, try not to fear the radiotherapy. It is going to give you more time and everyone will be kind and sensitive. I hope what Kebbs said about her experience is reassuring.
The sun has come out in my garden just now and I’m sending you a big hug.
Joy xx
179 posts since
9 Dec 2019
Thank you so much for your kind words and advice, yes I agree the nights are the worst,
I’m crying constantly,I don’t know if I have the strength to try fight this or just give up,I’m so lost and alone with this monster,ilmadd you as friend,x
133 posts since
3 Jan 2020
Hi Lily,
you know I really do get that ‘fight or flight’ feeling. I suspect we all feel desperate at times. Certainly I feel alone and scared witless at certain times. Some days are worse than others but I think on balance I come through each day reasonably in tact. There’s no law against not doing so though. No law that states you have to be ‘positive’!! People mean well telling us to ‘stay pisitive’ but at times it’s too much and too hard to keep smiling on.
On such days be kind to yourself. Is there any special person who you feel you can trust? It doesn’t need to be a close relationship. In fact one person I talk to is quite new in my life. Also your local surgery will likely know of a cancer centre which could also be a place to reach out to.
We all need others very much right now so it’s really worth seeking a supportive place for the tougher days. Well for the better days too. Our stories will help others even though we often dismiss this. We all have a story to tell and one worth listening too. We learn so much from one another.
Sleep tight
Kebb x
179 posts since
9 Dec 2019
Thank you so much joy,
I need to find something to grab my attention as I seem to be looking at the same 4 walls since diagnosed,I’m so worn out with worry, constant fear and panic,thanks for the hug,much needed,I don’t ask too many questions on treatment’snive had or am going to have as my Anxiety is through the roof,
I’ve just learned from yours and kebabs post that I’m incurable,kind of shocked to be honest,like I said I don’t ask questions,aw well,what can I do eh,
Angie,x
179 posts since
9 Dec 2019
I’ve learned a bit more tonight from your post and anotherspring post that I didn’t know,like I just replied to her,what can I do eh,just shocked and stupid I suppose,that’s what I get for hotnasking questions,
Angie,x
103 posts since
28 Nov 2019
Angie,
I have private messaged you but just wanted to say here that what I said was in reference to myself, to my disease, not yours, but I can now see how that sentence could be read differently.
There are many illnesses that can’t be completely cured but they can be kept at bay and once you get them under control you can live with them for years and maybe, in time, better treatments or even cures will be found. This is how I see my situation. My oncologist told me this about my cancer.
Hope you are okay today.
Joy xx
2 posts since
19 Feb 2020
Hi Angie,
This is my first post. Just wanted to reach out and say hello to you, and how sorry I am for your news. Brought tears to my eyes, when I was feeling sorry myself with my lumpy boob after lumpectomy today. Sometimes you’ve just gotta say it’s *****! I don’t know about you, but I feel really angry. Just ****** off and cranktastic. Not sure if you’re looking for advice per se, but hopefully you can get some local help and company now that your case has been marked incurable. And a second opinion maybe?
I’m in London, gonna check out Maggie’s tomorrow I think before I explode. Maybe there’s something like it near you? Here if you wanna moan…
Sending hugs
Fi
2 posts since
19 Feb 2020
I may have misread everyone’s posts; regardless I stand in solidarity with you all. I’ve known about having breast cancer for all of 7 days so just getting my head around things…
Probably need to chill out a bit and enjoy having some downtime, at least that’s what I said to myself prior to surgery today.
28 posts since
27 Feb 2020
Hi, I have responded on another of your posts but wanted to reach out on here too.
Gratitude for even the smallest things when you are going through a tough time, things that were taken for granted previously. Its my husband that has/had cancer and I feel so helpless. I appreciate every morning that we wake up, the sun, the colours. I know that may seem trivial when you are going through such an awful time. Finding something to be positive about can be a challenge.
Is there anything you like doing, that made you happy before your life was turned upside down? Reading is good, I like personal development books – Feel the fear and do it anyway, you are badass, miracle morning, lots more. I listen a lot to motivational people online. I do meditation to calm myself – there are apps or youtube.
Its not for everyone but find what works for you and helps you. In the meantime, its great that your tumour has shrunk down 50%.
Love Jo x
Very lonely
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