How to Break Your Addiction to Work
For many of us, working simply feels good. But just because it feeds your ego or makes you feel important, that doesn’t mean it’s actually good for you. How do you break the cycle of working long hours at the office and constantly checking email at home? How do you persuade those around you — similarly work-obsessed colleagues or a demanding boss — that working all the time isn’t healthy? How can you reset the expectations of your manager and coworkers?
What the Experts Say
In a society “where work is considered morally worthy,” being a workaholic might not seem like a serious problem, says Mary Blair-Loy, a sociologist and the founding director of the Center for Research on Gender in the Professions at the University of California, San Diego. “We live in a culture where work demands and deserves our undivided allegiance,” she says. And that sort of devotion does have its benefits. “You feel challenged by your work; you’re engaged by it; you’re learning new things; and you have the opportunity to shape other people’s careers. It’s extremely rewarding,” she says. But when you give all your attention to work, you eventually pay a steep price, according to Stewart Friedman, professor of management at the Wharton School and author of Leading the Life You Want: Skills for Integrating Work and Life. Working long hours, taking few vacations, and never truly being “off” — because of the ubiquity of digital devices — is “harmful to your relationships, your health, and also your productivity,” he says. Here are some tips to help you overcome your addiction.
Redefine success
Start by rethinking how you define success. Workaholics tend to be perfectionists who are always aiming to get ahead. Professional achievements are well and good, of course, but to live a truly full life you also need to “have purpose and draw a boundary line that shows respect for your family life, physical health, and spiritual health,” says Friedman. In other words, your self-worth should not revolve around your status, paycheck, and prestige; it should take into account the quality of your relationships, your engagement in your community, and your physical and emotional well-being. Remember too that you can’t be the best at everything, says Blair-Loy, so try not to be too hard on yourself. “You don’t have to be the perfect worker, the perfect parent, a triathlete, or someone who reads The Economist from cover to cover,” she says. “You shouldn’t have superhuman expectations.”
Refocus your attention
Next, you need to step back and reflect on how you want to spend your time and energy. “Think about what matters,” Friedman says. “As you’re trying to establish meaningful connections and advance your career, attention is your most precious asset.” How do you want to invest it? “You have a lot more control over those things than you think.” There will always be more work to be done, but make the conscious choice to spend time elsewhere: with family, with friends, or in your community. Blair-Loy suggests focusing on one thing at a time — stop multitasking. “If you’re out with your spouse or watching a baseball game with your kid and you take a call from work or check email, you’re cheating them” out of time with you, she says. Multitasking is not just rude; it’s also ineffective. “You may get some minor extra credit at work for that quick response, but it’s not a thoughtful reply,” she explains. Give the person you’re with your full concentration for a certain period of time, then allow yourself a five-minute time-out to deal with whatever work has come in.
Reset expectations
When trying to break an addiction, “you can’t do it alone,” says Friedman. He suggests enlisting the help of colleagues, family, and friends for “accountability and support.” Resetting the expectations of your boss and coworkers requires that you be clear about the changes you’re making and why you’re making them. Explain to your boss and coworkers why “it’s in their best interest” to help you disengage. “It can’t be a matter of asking them to help you disconnect so that you can be with your family. They have to see the benefit to themselves,” he says. Friedman recommends saying something like, “In the next month, I’m going to be offline after 4 PM every Tuesday. I think you’re going to see an improvement in my performance because I will be able to take care of some things in my personal life, and I will be less distracted. After a month of trying this, we will talk about it how it went for both of us.” Blair-Loy agrees: Being up front and direct about your plans to “create time in your day when you can’t be interrupted” allows you more flexibility to mold your schedule and also helps “manage expectations” within your team.
Experiment with digital detoxes
You don’t have to be a work addict to be a slave to your smartphone — what Friedman calls “a reactive robot twitching every time you’re called upon.” When “you’re physically present but psychologically absent, you’re saying to the people who are with you that they are less important.” When it comes to digital detoxing, “there is no one solution that works for everyone.” So you should experiment. Here are some suggestions:
Practice mindfulness
A growing body of evidence suggests that practicing nonjudgmental, present-moment awareness — also known as mindfulness — helps people become more mentally flexible and make better decisions. For people trying to break an addiction to work, mindfulness training can therefore be “extremely valuable,” according to Friedman. “It helps you get a sense of control and purpose and be conscious and deliberate about your choices.” Blair- Loy recommends meditation in particular. “It helps to take a few breaths before acting,” she says.
Prioritize your health — for the sake of others
As you shift priorities, also remember to take care of yourself. “You can’t work productively in a creative and nuanced way for more than a certain number of hours per day — and you certainly can’t do it without proper sleep, nutrition, and exercise,” says Blair-Loy. Numerous studies show that people who prioritize their health — eating well, taking breaks and time off, and getting plenty of exercise — have more energy and better focus. Of course, warns Friedman, “if you’re [only] thinking about these things out of your own interest, it’s not going to be sustainable.” You must also think about the other people — clients, friends, coworkers, and family — who count on you and your good health. “That mindset changes your motivation,” he says.
Principles to Remember
Do:
Don’t:
Case Study #1: Seek encouragement and reset your colleagues’ expectations
Amanda Sowadski, a former corporate director of business operations based in Minneapolis, first realized she was a workaholic after landing in the ER with a panic attack. The doctor prescribed Xanax, and Amanda knew then that “something had to change.”
“In hindsight, losing many of my relationships with anyone outside of work because I was too busy at the office should have been a clue,” she says.
To change her workaholic ways, she sought support from her husband. “I asked him to keep me accountable to leaving work at a certain time,” she says. “I had him call me at 6 PM, which felt more reasonable than 5 PM, and stay on the phone until I left the building.”
She then took control over her electronics at home. She turned her phone off at 8 PM and only turned it on again at 7 AM. “This allowed me time to unwind in the evening and time to ease into my day without rushing to check email as soon as I turned the alarm off,” she says. “I also stopped sending emails to my team after hours and on the weekends, [because doing that] perpetuates the cycle of frenzy.”
Amanda reset the expectations of her manager by making a gradual shift in the number of hours she worked. “I ensured I was still meeting my deadlines, but I started to say no more often so I could prioritize the 20% of things that had 80% of the impact,” she says.
Another way she conquered her addiction to work was by learning to meditate. “It helps me stay more present and enjoy life when I am not at work,” she says. “Once I was enjoying life again I realized how much I had made work my worth, and it was easier to continue to gradually cut back because I had hobbies and friends to see again.”
Case Study #2: Take control of your use of electronics
Mareza Larizadeh has many jobs and many roles: He’s an angel investor in Bonobos, the founder of VC-backed executive search site Doostang, and the CEO of pulsd, an online concierge startup based in New York.
A couple of years ago, because of his many professional activities, he realized that “all of [his] time and energy was spent on work.” It was unhealthy and he needed to put work in perspective. “It was time for a change,” he says.
Mareza created several “super simple” rules to limit his use of electronics. For instance, he only checks email at 5 PM during the work week. “[This way] I’m less tempted to break my flow with constant email checks,” he says. “When someone has something important to tell me, they will call or CC a colleague, who will then tell me I need to respond to something quickly.”
As a founder, Mareza used to be always “on call” for emergencies, but since the company has grown he delegates noncritical issues to colleagues on weekends.
Mareza has an iPhone, but he rarely checks email on Saturdays and Sundays. He doesn’t text often, and he turns off notifications for most apps. “You can live in the moment and appreciate the people you are with once you disconnect for a few hours,” he says.
Most importantly, he started prioritizing his health and well-being. “I sleep more and travel less,” he says.
The changes had a positive effect on him and his coworkers. “They see how much happier I am when I am well rested,” he says. “Everyone at the company is doing better.”
Rebecca Knight is a freelance journalist in Boston and a lecturer at Wesleyan University. Her work has been published in The New York Times, USA Today, and The Financial Times.
How to Break Your Addiction to Work
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