Dads funeral today

Only 3months age, we found out he had lung cancer, but only 1month ago they confirmed it was stage 4. I guess I was naive and didn’t realised how quick it could be, and we never asked to know how long. He hasn’t been himself in a long time and I’m sure he has had this coming from last year but it was never picked up on. He died the day before he was due to have some radio therapy, they offered it to help manage it. we never actually told my dad quite how bad it was, he was unaware of what stage 4 meant, we did this for him as we felt he would have given up hope. I hope we have done the right thing.

everything just seemed to happen so quick, doctors took ages trying to find out more about the cancer, he waited 2-3months without hearing a word from any doctor.

he had been in and out of hospital recently due to infections, the night before it happened, he got taken in again, and they just said an infection. Little did we know, we went home thinking we would see imhim in the morning. If we knew it was pneumonia at the time and how bad he was, we would never have left to go home, we missed a call in the night too and we feel absolutely terrible leaving him alone like that. It is the day of the funeral today and I don’t quite know how to cope with it all.

sorry for the long message, just felt I needed to write it down and share

57 posts since

29 May 2019

My heart goes out to u and your family

166 posts since

15 May 2018

I wish you all the best today for the funeral.

Please forgive yourself for not being there. Most people pass away when their loved ones aren’t there – even if you had been there the whole time, he still might have passed when you left the room.

I know how you feel, three months is exactly how long my mom had from her lung cancer diagnosis to her passing, last year. We too didn’t ask how long, I honestly didn’t even think to ask!

I can imagine how heart breaking this must be for you, in that it doesn’t sound like you really knew just what state he was in, and still had some hope. It’s shocking enough to lose someone, even if you have a bit more time to be prepared.

5 posts since

14 Feb 2019

Hi Becca,

I just wanted to reply to you to let you know that you’re not alone. It sounds like we have had almost identical diagnosis/timelines – my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in February this year and we lost him on the 12th May. His funeral was on Wednesday. Like yours, it seemed like the doctors were in no rush to start treatment and my dad didn’t end up receiving any before he got taken into hospital, later dying due to hospital acquired pneumonia.

It all happens so quickly and is so unfair. I hope the funeral went as well as it could.

1 posts since

1 Jun 2019

So sorry to hear about your Dad. It’s so shocking. I am in a terrible state atm as my Dad has always been a fit man. The last 9 months he has had ongoing breathlessness and has been treated for chest infections. 4 lots of antibiotics and still breathless. Also on lots of pain back and neck which doctors says is Arthritis etc. Wear and tear. 2 months ago he also lost his voice – it isn’t right now. ENT said it’s to do with a nerve. He has had multiple xrays etc and only just had a ct scan. Doctors have now said he has a large mass on his lungs (both sides)and throat. They tried to take a biopsy but was apparently too dangerous. He had a letter yesterday which was sent to him in error it said – LUNG CANCER- suspected – inoperable. No one has yet confirmed this. My Dad never complains. I told him back in October to go back and get a second opinion but he trusts the doctors and didn’t want to bother them. I am scared still that he has LUNG Cancer and is too far gone. Yet we have no answers yet. I am so so sorry to hear about your Dad. I don’t know how I would cope without mine. I am so angry as I think he has been let down by the NHS. It seems he is not the only one. We are still unsure of the actual facts as no one has yet got an answer for us. I look at my Dad and he is in so much pain – I fear that the cancer has spread and it’s that that is causing so much pain not Arthritis. As it’s getting worse. I don’t know what to say to make you feel any better. I have no idea what to say to my Dad. I feel useless and hopeless and can’t function at all. Again, so sorry for your loss. I know that doesn’t help at all though.

5 posts since

30 May 2019

Thank you x

5 posts since

30 May 2019

Thank you for sharing that with me.

its a horrible feeling isn’t it when you just want to be able to help them.

That sounds bad about receiving the letter by mistake..

i really feel my dad had it for a long time and has never been picked up. It’s an awful feeling.

keep him close and let him know you’re there for him

All the best x

5 posts since

30 May 2019

That really does sound identical! I am so sorry to hear about your dad too. Them couple of months are no time at all are they, it takes that amount of time to get over the shock of it all I think.

the only thing I do keep thinking is that he now has no pain, no feeling drained everyday and hopefully his body can heal from everything he has been through.

I’m sorry to hear about the pneumonia too, it’s awful on top of everything else. I really hope the funeral went as well as it could.

I have to admit I was dreading yesterday but it turned out to be the most lovely day in a strange sad way. I really do believe he would have been happy with everyone being there for him. It was of course so sad but I’m glad that went smoothly.

i hope you ok about your dad, I’m sure it’s going to be a hard time for us both. I haven’t cried as much lately and part of me thinks it’s all building up which I’m worried about.

thank you for sharing your story, it’s surprising how many people are in the same sad situation sometimes

5 posts since

30 May 2019

Thank you. I know it’s just hard as we was with him so much of the time, would never have left if we knew.

I’m very sorry to hear about your mum. Theee months really isn’t any time at all is it. When I first heard stage4 I tried not to think about timings but I would never have thought that soon.

I agree, no amount of time could ever prepare you anyway I guess. As sad as it sounds, I am glad he still had hope, it can’t be nice to know how bad you really are sometimes.

thank you for your kind words x

5 posts since

16 Feb 2019

Hi I had my dad’s funeral today, was so worried about it, but got through it, my dad had lung cancer which spread to the brain, it was devastating watching him get so I’ll, we got a year since we found out, I haven’t cried yet just feel numb, but I am so glad the funeral is past, keep strong xx

166 posts since

15 May 2018

I agree completely. Hope is everything. My mum was in ICU for a week and was then sent to a palliative care area of the hospital where she was slowly recovering. Sadly, the doctors kept telling her that she was dying!!! So then she wanted to die. Before ICU she had hope. She was slightly in denial even. She talked about how she might be able to have radiation therapy. She was taking anti depressants even, just to be in a better head state (despite being very anti meds). But once the doctors told her in no uncertain terms that she was dying, she changed. She was terrified. She didn’t want to be in pain or suffer. One day I visited her and was surprised she looked so well. Colour in her cheeks, she was sitting up and eating, drinking, was able to talk, was asking questions. I told her how well she looked. She was so surprised!!! No one said nice things to her anymore. She said “Really??? You mean there’s hope???” I mean, I probably shouldn’t delude myself into thinking that hope alone could have saved her, but she seemed to be recovering, and then they put her on the syringe driver and she died two days later.

Dads funeral today

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